From start to finish...

Recipe of choice from The Tillamook Cookbook:
















I cooked something!! And it was amazing--I had friends over and everybody loved it. I wish I would've taken photos of the prep, too, because you can not believe how much of a pain in the ass cooking a "fancy" chicken pot pie is. I already have a requests in to cook it again, so I'm going to have to start learning how to speed various parts of the process up...

Update: This was a post that I wrote over 1 year ago. For some reason, I didn't publish it. But--as an update--I have since been collecting cookbooks and trying to expand upon my cullinary skills. This pot pie was actually Thanksgiving Dinner this year, the recipe is amazing and has become a favorite!! I've made some modifications for more spice.

It is nice to have time to focus on these developmental tasks of adulthood. Cooking an awesome meal is way more fulfilling that you'd think. Cooking an awesome meal that someone (self) with primarily vegetarian preferences AND someone (significant other) with meat and potatoe preferences BOTH enjoy is always cause for celebration in our home.

Dreaming of pianos.

Sometimes when I've had a long day I head to ebay and check out pianos for sale (most expensive first). Listed 2nd today was this lovely creature: The Pegasus Schimmel. Only $160,000 (down from $250,000)! I would love to look at it but hate to play it...is that bench adjustable? Ok, who am I kidding, I would love to play it...

The Call

This poem has always been comforting to me during periods of transition. So I post it today, read it, and then get off my ass and study!

The Call

I have heard it all my life,
A voice calling a name I recognized as my own.

Sometimes it comes as a soft-bellied whisper.
Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.

But always it says: Wake up my love. You are walking asleep.
There's no safety in that!

Remember what you are and let this knowing
take you home to the Beloved with every breath.

Hold tenderly who you are and let a deeper knowing
colour the shape of your humanness.

There is no where to go. What you are looking for is right here.
Open the fist clenched in wanting and see what you already hold in your hand.

There is no waiting for something to happen,
no point in the future to get to.
All you have ever longed for is here in this moment, right now.

You are wearing yourself out with all this searching.
Come home and rest.

How much longer can you live like this?
Your hungry spirit is gaunt, your heart stumbles. All this trying.
Give it up!

Let yourself be one of the God-mad,
faithful only to the Beauty you are.

Let the Lover pull you to your feet and hold you close,
dancing even when fear urges you to sit this one out.

Remember- there is one word you are here to say with your whole being.
When it finds you, give your life to it. Don't be tight-lipped and stingy.

Spend yourself completely on the saying.
Be one word in this great love poem we are writing together.

© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Call, HarperONE, San Francisco 2003

The world is my playground.

Tonight I feel like I have every option available to me, and none at all. In July my employment will end. This is my postdoctoral residency year and it has been a huge growth experience but has also been really trying. It has left me with the recognition that just because people make it all the way through a graduate program in psychology doesn't mean that they're the best people to be psychologists. Even psychologists have "issues," and this comes into the work place. Read: work related conflict (I think that it is the worst kind of conflict because of the type of work we do, talk about head games)!

These experiences have left me thinking about where I want to be next. At times I rule out entire settings because I think there may be a certain "type" of person attracted to that setting, and I am convinced that I must like my coworkers to like my job. But to play that game is to toy with the belief that I control things out of my control. The only thing I can control is me, sadly.

So lately I apply. And apply, and apply, and apply. I am such a good worker, and a hard worker. I am ethical and competent and articulate. But the economy is bad and the areas I would prefer to live are also highly desired by many other folks. This week I've been sick, and hard on myself for being sick. I only sent off one application. I didn't spend as much time studying as I could have had I been well. I'm really hard on myself even when I'm sick. You don't get this far in a career so quickly without being a tad neurotic.

Tonight, though, I want to focus on the things that are really great. So, I'll tick them off and then go to bed.

(1) I am in love. I am dating the most wonderful man and feel that my time in this town was worth all the ups and downs because I have him in my life.

(2) I am going to Hawaii (Kauai) in 2 months with said man. I have never been to Hawaii and will be staying for free in a fabulous time share with another couple (2 of my greatest friends on earth).

(3) I have some of the greatest friends in the world. I know that there are people in my life who would drop everything to come be with me at a moment's notice. I know this because it happened several years ago when I hit rock bottom.

(4) My family will always be there for me. Enough said.

(5) Every place I go becomes a home. Home is where I am and despite all my fears I make good friends and fantastic memories everywhere I go.

Those are the big ones. There are others, to be sure, but it is far too late for me to be awake when I am feeling this sick. After all, I have studying to do tomorrow.