Laptop down, life....up.

My laptop broke down a few months ago. I decided that I really sink too much time into the Internet, anyway, so when the option to purchase a new battery for it came up I just chose to shove the it under my couch. I justified it by reminding myself that I have a computer at work (which, I have since been viewing way too much personal e-mail, etc., on) and I didn't need to waste money on a tech part (which was a null point when I dropped a few hundred dollars on an IPhone 4s a few weeks back).

Where to start? I am loving my new job, but also feeling a little worthless. My pay raise ignited my blue-collar guilt: I have this perception that since I got a little over a 20% raise, I should also somehow increase my workload by roughly 20%. This is an insane idea, and there is no way that I even COULD do it, but I'm used to being "MVP" on a clinical team (that is, seeing the most clients and complaining about it the least), and in my administrative role I spend a lot of time doing, well, administrative stuff. Which is actually pretty important as far as keeping a clinic running goes, but at the end of the day I don't have the same stats to look at and think "wow, I was a good psychologist today."

I spend my days doing a lot of things for which other people get credit. This means that I'm doing my job right, but I have these fretful moments at my desk when I reflect on how often--not so long ago--I figured that administrators sat behind closed doors and did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Now I know that they (WE?!) are doing shit. Very important shit. But at the end of the day, often times, there is no tangible proof of this unless you were to open my inbox or pull my call history and see that I was responding to e-mails, phone calls, and signing case notes all day.

On the up side, I do some really cool things, too. I got invited to be a panelist on a panel of feminists at a recent showing of MissRepresentation (check it out online). I have been aligning myself with the Women's & Gender Studies department because the faculty who work in it are just fucking rad. I've been taking more time to meet with faculty on campus, and the word is spreading that there's a new sheriff in town (not me, but MY boss) and things are looking amazing at the center. It's fun to be a part of that. OH!! AND, we got money to start an assessment clinic. As in, LD and personality assessment! I'm so stinkin' excited!! Booyah, I totally pushed for that and it HAPPENED.

I am supposed to be writing our policy and procedure manual, but every time I start it, I get interrupted. Also, it is a bear of a task. Dissertation #2. So I keep telling myself that I will do it on the "break" that never comes.

This months I was sick twice. We're talking 2 days, period. I haven't been sick all year long, so these were the first days that I've taken, and on the advice of a friend I called in and didn't say WHAT was wrong--just that I was sick. I had gotten in the habit of letting work know WHAT I was sick with, which I discovered is actually, legally, none of their business, so I stopped.

Today I got an e-mail from my boss requesting a meeting on Monday "to address your use of sick leave." As per my usual Chicken-Little routine, I assumed I am being fired, or that my fingers will be cut off and sent as a warning to my family, or that at the very least--I will be strongly reprimanded. I hope that anyone who might be reading this is laughing and rolling their eyes, and perhaps empathizing...even just a little bit. Sometimes when life gets this good I make assumptions that the bottom is just waiting to fall out. Can you tell I'm German?

How did this turn into a blog about work?

A few weeks ago I joined one of my best friends, and her family, for Thanksgiving. It was so wonderful. I feel so incredibly thankful to have friends who feel like family, and who invite me into their families. This Christmas my fiance and I will be staying with my best friend from undergrad for the week that I visit family. She owns a restaurant and her only request of me was that I tell her if I'm going to be "home" (her beautiful, cabin-in-the-woods home) for dinner so that she can be sure to make enough food. Seriously, how did I get so effing lucky?? I'm also looking forward to seeing my family, of course. But it has been a LONG time since I spent any sort of extended period of time with good friends, and lately it has been what my heart needs.

I fell off the yoga wagon and gained back the weight that I had lost while on it. Whatever. I'm on a monthly membership and the shala always feels better in the winter when I'm cold (it's hot yoga--a hard thing to talk myself into in the summer months). So I have a plan for winter, now. Get my yoga arms back. A new store (Title Nine) opened in Spokane and I have purchased at least 6 outfits and several yoga sets from them. There's nothing quite so motivating as new athletic clothes. They are great to watch TV in. I wish I was kidding.

Okay, this wins the award for most rambling blog post that I've ever written, but I wanted to put some words down. Maybe the next one will be a little more organized.

In sum: Life is good, but I still question everything. Yup. Definitely German. And a psychologist.