"Sorry About the Cancer."

The phrase I've heard from too many people who don't know what else to say. The good news is that as my dermatologist said, "If you're going to get any type of cancer in the world, this is the kind that you want." WANT is a stretch, but the sentiment is that it's treatable and that's great. I'm having one ulcerated spot removed at my regular dermatologist, and need to go to the big city for the other procedure (MOHS).

So, of course I've been reading up about skin cancers and treatment lately. MOHS surgery sounds great: They move in, remove the tumor and a layer of skin underneath, and test quadrants while you're still in surgery to ensure that all cancerous tissue is removed. That surgery will be done by my ear, and will take about 4 hrs. I've got a great husband who's already planning time off to come with me. I'm feeling mostly okay about the whole thing, but have an uncle who died of untreated skin cancer(s) and wish they would've come off yesterday. Instead I have surgeries scheduled in SEPT and OCT.

So I was feeling a little down on my luck, because we found these the week of our honeymoon and spent 2 days in doctors offices. But we still had a fantastic honeymoon and it was so nice to have some time away from a REALLY emotionally demanding job. When we got back from the honeymoon I started up regular medical massage b/c lets face it--working long hours, planning a wedding, dealing with family health crisis after family health crisis, and finding out that years of tanning in preparation for prom/homecoming/lifeguarding season/trips to Hawaii/graduations/etc has likely led to said skin cancers is just really fucking stressful.

My massage therapist is like an angel who dropped from heaven. She's over 70 and I questioned whether she would have the strength to iron out knots in my back. She didn't need to. She is just so incredibly gifted with a healing touch, and has an incredibly knowledge of physiology. She thinks I may have pulled 2 ribs out of place, so I might need to add chiropractic care to the agenda soon. But she fully supports my efforts to jump back into yoga and see her for the next 7 weeks first so that we can see how far we get.

Oh: And her son was in the Army. And she loves Army medical care providers, and immediately had a soft place in her heart for me when she heard what it was that I do for work. So she extended a 1-hr session to 1.5 hrs and I walked out feeling like I'd just gotten home from a wk-long vacation in Hawaii, sans sun damage. No kidding. She's that good.

So I rolled out of her office, went to look at a few decommissioned Navy ships and leisurely find good food in Olympia, and rolled over glass in the street--flattening 2 tires. Really??

I attended a Cognitive Processing Therapy training a few months ago, and one of the things that really stuck with me (specific for treatment of PTSD and related to the "just world phenomenon, but I think, a nice sentiment for life...) was one of the speakers saying, "We ask 'why' when we face tragedy and adversity in life, but we never ask 'why' when we encounter joy and happiness. If we are going to ask 'why' for one, we must do so for the other."

So in that spirit: Why did I have such a magical wedding? Why did my referral to massage therapy land me in the office of the most healing hands I've encountered in my life? Why do I have no fewer than 3 groups of visitors/friends/family coming to my home in the next 2 months, and a mindfulness in psychotherapy conference to attend? Why did I find the perfect career, and end up in a workplace where I can finally be myself and feel genuine camaraderie with my coworkers, doing work I find meaningful?

When you think of it this way, skin cancer and a few flat tires seem more inconvenient than unfair.