The last year of my 20's.

Last week started out terribly. I avoided griping about it (at least, here...perhaps not to my friends & family) because everything that happened was pretty insignificant. But it turned around and ended up being a great week.

I'm going to be verbose from this point forward, so if you'd like the cliffnotes, here you are:

-Birthday full of love
-Office pinic surprise from boyfriend
-Easy fix to a laptop I thought would cost a fortune
-Mild week at the office

And for everyone else, read on!

I celebrated my birthday last week! I'm welcoming the last year of my 20's with arms wide. Aging has been really put into perspective by seeing my grandmother turn 80 and talk about feeling young...aside from "not being able to do quite so much (physically)." I'm not really dreading my 30's in the way that many people do. Some of this might have to do with my work: Several times this year parents and faculty have said to me, "You don't look old enough to be a doctor." When I told my grandmother this she recommended that I get glasses. I told her that 10 years would take care of this "problem."

My birthday was a slow one at work. Pat treated me to one of my favorite dinners (I'm easy to buy for--I wanted veggie pizza) and then took me to a place we've never been to in Spokane (Wild Sage). It was wonderful!!

We both had the huckleberry strudle and fell into bed with sugar comas shortly thereafter. They had a beautiful and tasty drink that used lavander-infused vodka (I've never had a drink with lavander-infused vodka that I didn't like). The atmosphere was beautiful and our waiter was handsome, not tattooed, didn't have acne, was over 30, and was plesant. Perhaps these all seem like strange evaluative statements to make about waitstaff, but we have found since living in Spokane that many wait staffers leave a lot to be desired.


I opened cards and gifts from family and friends, and went to work the next day with my boyfriend's promise of "a surprise lunch." I figured that we were going to try a new resturant close to campus, so I finished on time with my client and turned around to grab my coat just in time to see him standing in the door with a picnic basket. I had been sad that picnic season is so far out--Spokane has great parks and I can hardly wait to explore them and take a basket full of fruit and baguettes and cheese...now I don't have to.

Later in the day he took my laptop to a local shop for diagnostics. Best Buy had glanced at it and said that it would probably cost $300 and something terrible was going on. The local guys sold us a new power cord--problem solved. I was so happy!! The only place worse than a mechanic for a woman to go and get screwed over is a computer store. I get caught like a deer in headlights and because of this have bought 3--yes THREE--new computers in the past decade after seeing a blue screen of death. It goes something like--"Sorry, Miss, but this computer is going to cost more to fix than it would be to buy a new one." And then me--"Oh mister computer man, thank you for delivering this terrible news to me with a trustworthy smile. Please show me to the sales department." I will not be fooled again!!

For my first "while I'm 29" project I contacted a financial advisor to consult about student loan debt. I set a budget that I feel good about and found out that in the world of finance I am doing A-okay.

My friend Sharon has a blog all about being 29 and the changes that she plans to make. Friends made promises to her "before Sharon turns 30 I will....x, y, z" and now she has a year full of adventures planned. I love this idea and hope to write a before-30 "bucket list" of sorts. It will need to have things other than "get my shit together financially, eat organic, be active, score a promotion," etc. I would like to return to having fun and being playful. I remember that those things came naturally before grad school, and I want them back.

What I can say about my 20's thus far is this: I became a Doctor. My heart was shattered, and then I met the love of my life. I made friends who moved all over the world and are still close to my heart. I learned that I am strong and independent, and that I can make a home anywhere. I learned that I can be (and am) a runner and a yogi.

The "before 30 bucket list" is soon to come!

A Beautiful Dress. Or Four.

I understand that this blog on the tail of my last one (you know, with the whole bit about being frugal) may seem to drip with hypocroisy. But the truth is, that it all ties in. With the money I saved on coffee in one month, I bought 4 dresses that will soon be keeping me comfortable, cool, and classy on a beach in Kauai.

Behold:



(#1) A beautiful black (yes, the image is decieving) halter dress from White House Black Market. Perfect for slipping on over a bikini on the way to and from an afternoon of snorkeling on ke'e beach. Can easily transition into lunch out by simply stripping away said bikini top, tousling hair, and throwing in a flower. Beautiful. I love it.



(#2) More beautiful beachwear. Casual enough to throw on over swimwear, or to wear at the resort resturant with a pair of dressed up flip-flops and a cool necklace. This one is American Eagle.



(#3) Another American Eagle dress. This one will not see the inside of a resturant unless we are going to a fish taco or shave ice stand. But it will dry quickly and the empire waist tie is going to be really flattering.




(#4) WHBM red halter dress. I'm thinking appropriate evening wear when paired with heels & gold bangles.



There are very few things that I go as crazy for when shopping as a good summer dress. I love looking in the off-season because I manage to hook things for great prices, and then I get to take it easy and browse as the summer draws near...no frantic searching for the "perfect" vacation dress! Only 6 months 'till vacation!!

Money Managment and the Coffee Crazy

My student loans are coming due in February. Eek! Every graduate student knows that this moment will come...and in some ways it is a relief. I won't have to dread it any more.

Prior to this loan repayment business I've been squirrling away money for yet another trip to Hawaii (July--woot!), shopping for more "grown up" professional clothes (possibly, blogs to follow on this adventure), and investing in my health in a preventative way. By this I mean purchasing primarily organic produce and meats, paying for gym and yoga studio memberships, and in general just investing in my body.

The truth is, though, that my student loan debt is the only debt I've had in my life. I paid for my undergrad--which was private--by working my ass off (30ish hours a week) and finishing a semester early. I'm from a family in which debt is unacceptable. I've never held a credit card balance for more than 2 months.

This business of "unacceptable" debt isn't a bad thing, it has kept my head in a responsible place. I've made good decisions. But it has the capacity for making me a little crazy.

Background: My great-grandmother was from Germany and had a general mistrust of the government and banks. She hid hundred dollar bills in her house--you could find them under couch cushions, between the mattresses, etc. My grandmother had a similar frugal attitude due to her experience of having nothing during the Great Depression. My mother is incredibly frugal and thrifty as a result of her upbringing and caring for a family ranging from 4-7 on one income.

And me? I occasionally get into a place where--often for no apparent reason--I begin a manic evaluation of every item in my home to decide what I might be able to sell on Craigslist. Anything can tip me in this direction...maybe hearing a financial piece on NPR, maybe hearing a friend talk about their difficulties with debt, maybe spending "too much" on a cardigan I've been coveting for months. Once I am in this place, I am not rational. My boyfriend jokes that during these times we need to "bolt the cat down," or make him (the cat) work the corner for his kibble.

My psychologist hat goes on for this issue, and I think, "How can I make sustainable change? How can I set goals for myself that are realistic, timely, and managable?" The answer for here/now......? The coffee culprit!!!



I spend at least $2.00 a day on coffee. At least. That is if I purchase one drip coffee per day. I often purchase two. On weekends, my boyfriend and I go out for a latte as our "special treat." Those range in cost from $4 - $6. If I ONLY drank one $2 coffee daily, this would come out to an expense of $730 per year. That number is conservative. I often purchase my boyfriend's coffee for him, or double up on drip on "hard days" at work. I would estimate that I spend in the range of $1,000 - $1,500 a year on coffee.

Before you get all judgy, I must explain...I have an emotional attachment, and possibly psychological & physical addiction, to coffee. I have been drinking it since I was 5 or so. I would sneak into the lap of adults at the card table and take sips of coffee while I learned pinnochile. This led me to be a card shark at a young age, and later, a neurotic adult with a love of coffee. As a teen I would pour a cup and chat with adults because it made me feel more grown up. As a college student I got a job in a coffeeshop to cut my expense. During my shift I got a free drink (QUAD Americano, Yeah!!) and any other time it was 1/2 price.

For Christmas I asked for a thermos to nip this in the bud. I am happy to report that I am on month 2 of not having purchased a single coffee on my own dime. I purchase drip & make it every morning. For Christmas my boyfriend & I recieved Starbucks gift cards that were >$60 in value, so we've been using those for our "special" treats on weekends.

On another front, I think that yoga has chilled out my autonomic nervous system and that my tolerance for caffeine is slipping. If I drink too much I can't sleep. This is new for me and I'm cool with it.

Just like any other task taken on, I believe that I'm at the point where this has become habitual. The savings might not seem monumental, but when you add them on to things like, oh, we are also no longer eating lunches out during the week (we literally ate out every. single. day...) it really adds up.

All in all, this is a pretty monumental success on both financial and presonal levels. I think my mom and grandma would be proud. Also, I think it is better than trying to sell the cat on craigslist.

The Strength of an Elephant

Last night I hated yoga. I tipped, I trembled, I clenched my jaw, I lost my breath, I soaked my mat with sweat. All that I could think of was the final pose, when my torment would be over. My instructor noticed and asked how I was doing on the way out.

There were so many things I could've said (a line of excuses: "I was sick all week, I took a week off, I had wine every single evening for the last week while sick and not working out, I ate too much for lunch.") Instead, I told her that I felt like an elephant doing yoga. She smiled and told me that is a good thing: Elephants are referenced in the yoga sutras for their strength, balance, and grace.

Today I looked at the yoga sutras and found this:

Sutra III.24

By Practicing Samyama On (Physical) Strength, The Strength Of Elephants Can Be Acquired.



I am thankful for her reframe, and tonight I will return to class with a mindset that my trembling and sweating is weakness leaving my body to make space for the srength of an elephant.

Prasarita Padottanasana

AKA, "Wide legged forward bend." I did it!! After only 3 months of practicing Ashtanga, I can rest my head on the ground while in forward bend!! Instead of dangling from the hip, I now look a little more like this:



I say "a little more," because in truth my legs are a bit wider as I am still working toward stretching/lengthening my hamstrings. This is a great exercise for me because I sit a lot at my job--this leads to tight hamstrings that tug on my lower back and cause lower back pain. Only a year ago I was getting weekly medical massage to manage the pain (which is now, for the most part, gone!!!) So now I get to work toward bringing my legs in just a wee bit and remembering to engage my quads by lifting the kneecap. I love how many muscle groups are involved in every Ashtanga pose.

As a second success, I also got into a headstand. I did create a "safety net" in class by doing it with a wall behind me, but I was able to stay in for >10 breaths, so I felt good about that.

The first time headstand was introduced to me, I was told to "create a tripod and walk into downward dog; get used to the weight being on your head." This explanation was really unhelpful for me. I placed the weight on my head and felt overwhelmed by it, then never lifted my feet. The second time it was introduced to me, I was told, "Create a tripod that is rooted to the ground. Your body lifts up through your arms, and it is there that your weight is supported. There should be very little weight on your head." It made sense. Engage the arms and back to support the body. Really, I only needed to focus my mind on this:



Rather than freaking myself out over this:



This was Part 1 of my mental shift toward this pose. Part 2 was a woman who was 5 months pregnant who gracefully lifted herself into a headstand. I sat and thought, "okay. If a woman with that sort of natural imbalance can balance her body on her head, so can I." I see more and more that in yoga, it is true that you can only do what you tell your mind you can do.

Part of the reason that I began this practice was to see what would happen if I invested my energies in what I hoped would be "preventative" care. Yoga has saved my back!! I always rolled my eyes at people who would say things like, "yoga can change your life." But it is true. Yoga can change your life. Here's to avoiding medical massage to treat too many hours in a chair.

Parenting

Almost everyone I know is having a child, and I don't want to. This is where said people usually look at me with furrowed brows and say, "Some day it will kick in;" (like I can't live without it). Never a fan of patronizing, it is difficult for me to avoid a sense of righteous indignation around these conversations.




So I will take this opportunity to sort out my thoughts on this. Thought number one is centered around the feminist movement. When I think of "reproductive rights," my mind doesn't necessacarily float to abortion clinics. Rather, I think that it is my right not to reproduce. Pretty profound...I know! This is something that makes my mother crazy--this trend that people who are intelligent and settled are choosing to wait to have children. But I have a few very supportive friends who conceptualize it as the result of those with a "cosmopolitan lifestyle" (young professionals who love to travel) choosing to spend time as a single and/or married young adults in recreational activities rather than in activities centered around parenting. Sounds good to me. But to each their own.

That get's me to my second point. I think that women are doing eachother a huge diservice by stereotyping one another and--in our own way--discriminating against one another as it relates to reproductive choices. This gets to the patronizing piece. In my experience, women who have opted to have children seem to feel a need to justify this decision. Sometimes this comes across as a sort of moral superiority ("Well, my husband and I were ready to share our love with another person. We didn't need to be selfish any more."). Seriously. I hear this shit. Conversely, women who have opted to pursue careers scoff and women who stay at home with their kids. In the middle, mothers squabble over who is parenting "correctly" (e.g., "well, your kid is in daycare all day, what kind of mother are you? Your kid doesn't eat organic produce, what kind of mother are you?")



Of course men do this, too, but that's not my point. Ladies! Come on, nobody is right or wrong!! Why can't we band together as women who all face this choice (that is, To Parent or Not To Parent)? Each time a friend announces their plans to start a family I have shared in their excitement over this. But my proclomations of a decision to postpone are met with furrowed brows. It's been going on for the better part of a decade. Thus the rant.

At this point I feel it necessary to put in a disclaimer (so that mothers don't hate me and--) to better clarify my point. I like most children. And in fact, most children like me. Babies especially.

I believe that this will be my final thought for the day on parenting: Having a child does not make you a better caretaker than me. Yes, I realize that it is a major responsibility and that the learning curve is steep. But again, lets avoid getting attached to this "everything I think/do is right" mentality.

Some background: At the age of 7 my parents sat our family down and had a discussion around whether we should become a foster family. We all agreed that it would be a good decision, and soon after I was changing diapers of newborn infant twins. At the age of 13 I was babysitting a sibling group of 4, all under the age of 6. My mother joked around that these experiences were "the best birth control on earth," and in hindsight, I believe she was right. I know what goes into taking care of a premature infant. It is exhausting. Your whole world changes, and right now I kind of like my world as it is.

I can sense mothers all over the world rolling their eyes ("being a sibling isn't the same, babysitting is a far cry from parenting") and I get it. But I've also handed a baby back to a new parent who, until the birth of their child, had never in their life held an infant and thought "Wild! How does that even happen?"

As I think of "where to from here?" I am drawn to commit to calling it like I see it. The psychologist in me is drawn to looking at this as an assertiveness issue. I will endeavor not to be aggressive about my opinions on this, but I'm also not going to passively sit by while other women berate my decision. This gets into that "overt/covert" fuzzy space--sometimes words don't have to be said for judgment to be passed. Thus, if faces are made, I will make a process comment that may hold the potential to make others uncomfortable.

If you have made it to the end of this blog, you are either a woman who is sick of having to defend her position (either side) or you are a member of my immediate family. Either way, I enjoyed writing this down.