Money Management Part Deux

Just over a month ago I wrote about "the coffee crazy" (this insane habit I had of purchasing at least one coffee Every. Single. Day). I had extended my frugal ways with coffee to cover not eating out quite so often, and not shopping for clothes quite so much. I had imagined that my savings would look a bit like this:



It was hard to believe that anything less than total deprivation would lead to any meaningful sort of savings. As evidenced by my last blog (adorable vacation wear), I obviously did not deprive myself. I bought some great clothes, Valentines Day gifts for the significant other, and we went out to eat a few times. But I made some big and little changes: No more eating lunch out, no wine or dessert when we were out, and I questioned carefully every clothing purchase.

I discovered that saving on this level ended up with more of this effect:



It is hard to quantify this in a blog where I don't want to disclose my (a) income, or (b) savings. But imagine a healthy income--and imagine that I previously had been saving about 15% of it per month. Now I'm saving about 40%.

I looked at this money saved in one month and had a huge wave of relief wash over me. I can live the way that I wanted to live when I set out to get a doctorate. I can travel, I can shop, I can eventually own a new car and a new home, and I can do it all without going into huge amounts of debt. It is a very liberating feeling, and it all started with depriving Starbucks of a few of my hard-earned dollars each month.

The best thing about this is that I knew it all along but needed to experience it. Every financial magazine in the world tells you some version of this (in a nutshell: Quit pissing away your money on food and entertainment). But previously I've been hanging out in the Contemplation stage of change.

(For those not familiar--Prochaska & Diclemente developed a model of change in which after studying how it was that persons with addiction gave up their habits--it goes like this:)

Precontemplation(Not yet acknowledging that there is a problem behavior)
Contemplation (Acknowledging that there is a problem but not yet ready change)
Preparation (Getting ready to change)
Action (Changing behavior)
Maintenance (Maintaining the behavior change) and
Relapse (Returning to older behaviors and abandoning the new changes)

Here's hoping for NO RELAPSE!

Dresses: The Reality

So...sad news on my dress-buying activity. Remember the dresses I posted not so long ago? The ones that led me to boast about my deal-finding abilities? They all sucked. I sent all of them back save one, which had a "no return" rule on it. I will attempt to have it tailored.

The others were complete failures for a variety of reasons. The most hilarious being the presence of a "death star crevace" in the way the fabric fell down my rear end. (So deemed by my boyfriend). It was bad.

So...I spent a few weekends actually trying on merchandise and this is what I came up with:


A romantic mid-calf rose-print dress:
(I have a long locket in the mail from Etsy to pair with this)



A tube dress to wear over my new bikini when we go sailing out to a snorkeling site:



And a bohemian dress that will look incredible with a brown belt and some gladiator sandals:



I rounded things out with a cute boho skirt that looks great paired with a little gray tank top (thanks to yoga my abs are looking good enough that it will look great paired with a bikini top):



Finally, a new bikini (because lets face it, you're in one every day in Hawaii so taking at least 3 is necessary...)



Remind me not to shop online. Even when ordering shoes I send 80% of what I order back.

Everything Just Is.

I've thought about updating this for a week. I don't want to drop the ball on my blog in the way that I previously have. I have all sorts of things swirling around in my head, but no thoughts that will remain stationary long enough for me to grasp onto them.

My work has been partially to "blame" for this. My patients are intelligent and insightful. Some are developmentally young, and some are wise beyond their years. This week I've worked hard at remaining present--just allowing myself to be at work--physically, mentally, and I suppose spiritually.

Sometimes the work of a psychologist involves gracefully navigating office politics. That is the work I don't always love. But sometimes the work of a psychologist is being there for another human being who is at the cusp of a major self-discovery, or for someone who is so overcome with anguish and heartache that they can hardly hold themselves upright. I've seen both extremes this week, and it is impossible to not be touched by them.

I fluctuate between being caught up in the every day grind (read: office politics) and trying to bring myself back to this place where everything just is. Physical activity is the easiest place for me to practice this. I feel a twinge of pain in my side and keep going. Sometimes I have to remind myself to not assign anything to this experience ("You're so out of shape, how did you ever stop running? 2 miles shouldn't hurt like this") and let it just be. My side hurts, my feet keep moving, the music keeps playing, my breath keeps flowing and everything just is.

The world can be both unpredictable and predictable, people can be good and bad, love can be thrilling and terrifying, loss can be gut wrenching and cleansing. All we can really do is gradually learn to accept what is.