Everything Just Is.

I've thought about updating this for a week. I don't want to drop the ball on my blog in the way that I previously have. I have all sorts of things swirling around in my head, but no thoughts that will remain stationary long enough for me to grasp onto them.

My work has been partially to "blame" for this. My patients are intelligent and insightful. Some are developmentally young, and some are wise beyond their years. This week I've worked hard at remaining present--just allowing myself to be at work--physically, mentally, and I suppose spiritually.

Sometimes the work of a psychologist involves gracefully navigating office politics. That is the work I don't always love. But sometimes the work of a psychologist is being there for another human being who is at the cusp of a major self-discovery, or for someone who is so overcome with anguish and heartache that they can hardly hold themselves upright. I've seen both extremes this week, and it is impossible to not be touched by them.

I fluctuate between being caught up in the every day grind (read: office politics) and trying to bring myself back to this place where everything just is. Physical activity is the easiest place for me to practice this. I feel a twinge of pain in my side and keep going. Sometimes I have to remind myself to not assign anything to this experience ("You're so out of shape, how did you ever stop running? 2 miles shouldn't hurt like this") and let it just be. My side hurts, my feet keep moving, the music keeps playing, my breath keeps flowing and everything just is.

The world can be both unpredictable and predictable, people can be good and bad, love can be thrilling and terrifying, loss can be gut wrenching and cleansing. All we can really do is gradually learn to accept what is.