This week I stumbled across a really great graduation speech given by the a wise sage to the 2014 graduates of Dartmouth.
Normally I wouldn't associate "wise sage" with this man's photo...but before I go any further, let me paste in what I found to be the most poignant element of his speech to these graduates:
**It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound reinvention.
At the age of 47 after 25 yrs of obsessively pursuing my dream, that dream change. For decades in show business the ultimate goal of every comedian was to host the Tonight Show. It was the Holy Grail, and like many people I thought that achieving that goal would define me as successful. But that is not true. No specific job or career goal defines me, and it should not define you.
In 2000 I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.
Whatever you think your dream is now, it will probably change. And that’s okay. ~Conan O'Brien**
What he said really spoke to me. For so long I have set my sights on a relatively abstract construct (income) as my measure of success. Aside from my chosen career I didn't have my sights specifically set on any role that I wanted to fill. But I really felt that anything under a certain income level would be an indicator that I had not been successful.
Since being promoted, I have heard from several people things like, "great job! At this rate you'll be (fill in the next job title up the promotion chain)." When I hear this it actually makes me a little angry and upset. Why would I want or need that job? In my mind, I've reached this success marker that I set for myself years ago.
Watching this video of Conan (as he speaks to the relentless pursual of a dream that wasn't his own) made me realize that somewhere along the line, my goal of success has changed. It isn't just money, it's lifestyle and well being. To me, a successful person is one who--at any income--can live a peaceful and harmonious existence.
I found myself feeling annoyed that I had approached "success" in such a straightforward manner...but the truth is, I believe that many people do this. We roughly define something for ourselves and then stick to it out of determination and a belief that we're on the right path. Pictures like this--and the one that I began this blog with--don't help:
One ladder climbing to the top. One road leading in the "right" direction. One finger pointing you down the "correct" path.
Success isn't so uni dimensional.
My current vision of success is one in which I can come home at the end of day and leave work at work. Success is taking care of my physical and emotional health, and being present in the lives of the people I love. Success is being able to live in the present moment and experience everything that life offers (rather than rolling in the good or drudging through the "bad"). And as I continue to evolve, so will my definition of success.
The most valuable thing that I took from this speech was that I alone am responsible for creating and redefining goals in my life--and that they will change. The views of others regarding what constitutes "success" can't matter to me, because they likely do not represent my values or my place of personal development.
That was a lot of rambling...but it left me feeling a little better.
Love this. So thoughtful and insightful. I agree, for a long time I thought "When I'm making _____ I'll know I'm done." Then I got a job that started over that. And I HAD to change my goals, because otherwise, what was I doing? I think that as students, we get so focused on the finances because we have none, and when the finances come we are open to really look at what we want. I'm really enjoying being a part of your journey. Thanks for sharing it!
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