Living for Weekends

As always, I have many a thought swirling around and have been thinking all weekend about blogging. But what is most on my mind is something I'm not "inspired" about, but rather something I'm feeling guilty about. It is: I live for the weekends.

I work at a job every day where we talk about "finding your passion." I'm surrounded by this idea...and feel a lot of pressure to prove that I've found my passion. It seems that others are convinced that one has found their passion when (A) They see that you're working more (e.g., more hours), and (B) that you're produce more (e.g., projects or other things with tangible results). But see, this seems like a problem. Picking apart this statement we can see that some blue-collar values (working long hours and having something to show for it) have snuck into this picture.

I really like my job on most days. I can't say it enough. Although I DON'T love office politics, and believe that they exist in every agency, I do love clinical work. That said, here are things that I love equally, and in some cases, even more:

Spending time with my fiance
Walking my cat
Practicing Ashtanga Yoga, running
Keeping a home (clean, beautiful, welcoming)
Traveling to new and exciting (or old and familiar) places
Catching up with family
Visiting with friends
Cooking and baking
Reading fiction
Playing piano
Memory keeping (photo albums, journals, scrapbooks)
Time outdoors (fishing, swimming, hiking)
Meditation

I could probably write a much longer list, however, it is late and I have been sick all weekend long. That means that since Friday night I have been primarily sitting on my couch and/or sleeping. I am still sick and am fretting about whether to call in tomorrow and have my appointments for the day cancelled.

I feel ripped off. I spent a great portion of last week looking forward to the weekend, and then I spent the weekend sick.

This whole work/life balance thing just seems to be eluding me. I work for it, think I've found it, settle into it, and then someone at work challenges me to take on evening responsibilities that are outside my job description and challenges my commitment to my work (direct quote: "Well, I can understand if you're not passionate about working with X group of students") when I politely decline in the interest of maintain said work/life balance. Any feeling of homeostasis that I had for half a second flies out the window and I'm back to square one. It lends to this feeling of "making it through the week" in order to get to the weekend, rather than really being present with my experiences of the week. I'm clearly not satisfied with it (as evidenced by blogging about work on what? Yes, a weekend).

What I can change: My attitude, my approach.
What I can't change: Well, basically everything else.

As I write this I'm realizing that part of my "attitude" change may be simply not allowing myself to be phased by any attempts to attack my work ethic. It is a sneaky tactic. I am willing to bet that it is highly effective with many people.

Other ideas? Or does everyone else live for the weekends, too? I've shared this experience with a number of girlfriends who are also psychologists, and they have expressed similar feelings ("oh yeah, my job is great but every day I'm just counting down 'till the weekend"). I mean, this is my first "official" job. This is my first time with ZERO vacation days for an entire year. Is this simply adult life? Do I just need a vacation?