Thank God for Nerds

I grew up in a small, conservative town of 3,000. I couldn't tell you what my family's "class" was at that point (most Americans inaccurately describe themselves as "middle class" when they are in fact above or below). What I can tell you is that most of my clothes were from second-hand stores. We ate venison before it was in vogue because a hunting tag (if successful) was cheaper than buying beef. My mother fed us a blend of ground up cow tongue with pickled relish as a sandwich filler because this mash-up was cheaper and had more nutritional benefit than deli meats or bologna. Despite these modifications, I don't remember being bitterly cold (impressive given the sometimes -30 temperatures of Western Montana) or ever going hungry.



As a child I enjoyed make-believe and imaginative play. Despite never having the hot new toy, my parents did a most AMAZING thing that I will appreciate until the day I die: They built me a sizable shed in the back yard that was my play house. It had a true foundation, a shingled flat roof, and was wired with electricity (light, not heat). In it, they placed a hand-built "kitchen" set, a doll cradle, and a box full of antique clothing for dress-up. A poster of a unicorn hung on the wall. It was my dream haven. Located behind my haven were our duck and rabbit pens.

I had a beautiful childhood. I remember playing with sticks under the neighbors tree for hours, then reading Nancy Drew novels in my swimsuit under the shade of lilac trees. On hot days I could tinker on my piano and snack on "Mr. Freeze" Popsicles (or walk 6 blocks to the house of a friend who's mother got weekly deliveries from the Schwan's man). We couldn't afford cable television, and so I went my entire life (until college) without it.



At some point I transformed from an eccentric, articulate, reflective child into a very introverted and oddball teenager. I watched Star Trek, Tron, and a variety of rented BBC productions way before these things were cool (we did have a VCR). I probably read "too much" science fiction and fantasy, and when I switched genres it was to read biographies of famous, strong women or to nurse my (possibly excessive?) curiosity about the Holocaust. At times I preferred practicing piano to conversation with pretty much anybody. As I grew into a teen, I continued to wear second hand clothing but began to pick it myself. Not one to oppose my budding development, my mother allowed me to leave the house in things like: A fishing vest, a "Nobody's Born A Bigot" t-shirt (yes--in small-town Montana), and men's polo shirts.



I got made fun of. A lot. I clung to a belief that this was "character building."

As I moved into Jr. High I had already come into the realization that I really didn't fit in. I suppose all Jr. High School students feel this way at one point or time--but I mean, I felt it with every cell of my being. I knew what I valued and wanted in my life from a very young age, and it didn't match up with what my peers valued and wanted.

Around this time of life - in the evenings - I would put on shoes and take in a deep breath of what I can still identify as the purest mountain air that has ever entered my lungs, and I would run. I would imagine that my legs could run me far away from this place I had grown up in. I would imagine a world where people understood me and shared my interests. I would run and imagine what it would be like to achieve my goals and to visit new places & meet new people. One night after a run I sat on the porch of my parent's home and looked at the soft lights of the town beneath us. I had a vision of myself that warmed my entire being: I was dressed in black--sleek and stylish, my hair pulled back in a ponytail. I was carrying a bag with my work materials in it, and I was in a city.

I set about working toward this image. Along the way, I found nerds. I found people who loved science fiction, classical music, and video games. I found people who loved boardgames (and not just the ones your grandma played, but also Eurogames!) and role playing, ane even pinochle. I found people who took joy in playing and practicing an instrument. I found people who took pleasure in sitting for hours during the evenings and discussing coursework, current events, and politics. I found people who ate organic foods, who fought for social justice, and who believed in something larger than themselves. I found people who liked to snowboard, snowshoe, and skinny dip in glacial runoff. I found people who loved to bargain shop for quality clothing. I found people who dropped out of school to thru hike the Pacific Crest Trail. The quantity and variety of nerds that I encountered was pretty dang exhillerating.


(It didn't hurt that pioneers like Tina Fey made being a nerd "hot" during this period of time. Thanks Tina Fey!)

I remember standing in Portland, Oregon one day and waiting for the MAX. I was wearing black, my hair was up, and I was carrying an assessment kit. The memory of that night on my porch washed over me and my eyes teared as I realized that I had come out of a place where I felt as though there was no place for me and I had created my place in the world. It felt right, it felt good. I had found my family and my people. I have since moved from Portland but I continue to encounter these people, and to recreate this family. Everywhere I go I encounter people who have had similar experiences of feeling like outsiders in their hometowns, only to become high-achieving adults with a wide variety of interests and hobbies.

I love that the word "nerd" has been embraced by a group of awesome adults. It's cool to be a nerd these days. It probably means that your IQ is in the high average to superior range, and that you make a pretty rad income. I shudder to get any negative response to this comparison--but it almost seems like the transition that happened with the LGBTQ group reclaimed the label of "Queer" as a power-label.

Nerds took this:



one step further and created this:



Nerds didn't just passively accept the fact that we were different, or shamefully bow our heads as "misfits." We embraced it. Thank God for nerds.

(BTW I have been called a "fringe nerd" and actually take some offense to this. But it's true that I haven't read Dune, which as best I can tell seems to be some nerdom rite of passage....)